Dating after a divorce in the Netherlands is not restricted by law: there is no waiting period, and your conduct plays no role in the divorce itself. The important exception is cohabitation: if you receive spousal maintenance and start living with a new partner as if married, your right to that maintenance ends permanently under Article 1:160 of the Dutch Civil Code (BW).
A new relationship can also affect the arrangements for your children and, if you live here on a residence permit based on your marriage, your permit. This page explains where a new relationship has legal consequences and where it has none.
When are you legally free to start a new relationship?
Immediately, as far as the divorce is concerned. Dutch divorce law is no-fault: the only ground is that the marriage has broken down permanently (Article 1:151 BW), so a new relationship does not change the outcome of the divorce.
You are, however, still married until the divorce decision is entered in the register of civil status (Article 1:163 BW). That entry must be requested within six months after the decision becomes final; otherwise the decision lapses. Until then the marriage, and the rules on property and inheritance that come with it, continue to apply.
How does a new relationship affect spousal maintenance?
Dating has no effect; living together as if married ends the maintenance for good. Under Article 1:160 BW the obligation to pay spousal maintenance (partneralimentatie) ends when the recipient remarries, enters into a registered partnership or starts cohabiting with someone else as if married or registered.
The end is final. If the new relationship breaks down a month later, the maintenance does not revive. That is why courts apply the test strictly and why the paying ex-spouse who wants payments to stop must prove the cohabitation.
What does “cohabiting as if married” mean?
The court looks for a lasting relationship in which the partners share a household and care for each other. No single factor is decisive; the court weighs the overall picture.
- Living at the same address on a lasting basis, regardless of where each partner is registered with the municipality (gemeente).
- Shared finances: a joint account, sharing rent, groceries and utilities.
- Mutual care: looking after each other, running the household together, presenting as a couple to family.
- Duration and intention: how long the relationship has lasted and whether it is meant to continue.
Evidence is often gathered through observation, including reports by private investigators, within the limits of privacy law. For the calculation of maintenance and its duration, see our kumpletong gabay sa alimony sa Netherlands.
How long does spousal maintenance last anyway?
For divorce petitions filed on or after 1 January 2020, the main rule in Article 1:157 BW is half the length of the marriage, with a maximum of five years. Three exceptions run longer:
- marriage of more than fifteen years and the recipient is at most ten years below state pension (AOW) age: until that age;
- marriage of more than fifteen years and the recipient was born on or before 1 January 1970: ten years;
- children of the marriage under twelve: until the youngest turns twelve.
The term starts on the date the divorce is entered in the register. Maintenance set before 2020 keeps the duration that applied under the earlier rules.
Does a new partner change child maintenance?
Not directly. The duty to support a child rests on the legal parents only, so a new partner’s income is not added to yours. Indirectly it can matter: if you share housing costs with a new partner, your own capacity to pay (draagkracht) may change, and either parent can then ask the court to change the amount under Article 1:401 BW because of changed circumstances.
How does a new partner affect the children and the parenting plan?
A new partner has no legal rights over your children, but the arrival of one can be a reason to revisit the parenting plan. Every decision is measured against the best interests of the child (belang van het kind).
Parents with joint authority who separate must draw up a parenting plan (ouderschapsplan) under Article 1:247a BW. If you cannot agree on changes, for example because you move in with a new partner and the children change school, either parent can ask the court to decide under Article 1:253a BW. The court looks at stability, the child’s age and the level of conflict between the parents.
What is the legal position of a new partner?
A new partner is a third party. Parental authority (ouderlijk gezag) stays with the legal parents, so a new partner cannot consent to medical treatment or sign school forms without your authorisation.
Joint authority with a new partner is possible only in narrow cases. Under Article 1:253t BW a parent with sole authority and a partner can jointly ask the court for joint authority. If the child has another legal parent, the request is granted only if both applicants have cared for the child together for at least one year and the parent has had sole authority for at least three years. If both former spouses kept joint authority after the divorce, which is the normal situation, this route is closed. See our gabay legal sa kustodiya ng bata sa Netherlands.
How do you protect yourself in a new relationship?
With a cohabitation agreement if you live together, and with a prenuptial agreement if you remarry. Without either, Dutch law applies its default rules, which may not fit a second relationship with children from the first.
Kasunduan sa pagsasama-sama
Unmarried partners have no community of property, no maintenance duty towards each other and no statutory inheritance rights. A cohabitation agreement (samenlevingscontract) settles shared costs, ownership of joint purchases and what happens on separation. Pension funds often require a notarial cohabitation agreement before a partner can be registered for a partner’s pension, and inheritance from each other requires a will.
Mga kasunduan sa muling pag-aasawa at bago ang kasal
For marriages concluded on or after 1 January 2018, the default is a limited community of property (Article 1:94 BW). Property each spouse owned before the marriage stays separate, as do inheritances and gifts; what is acquired during the marriage becomes joint.
A prenuptial agreement (huwelijkse voorwaarden), executed by a civil-law notary before or during the marriage, lets you depart from that default, for example to keep business assets separate or protect assets for children from your first marriage. Read the prenuptial agreement and your will together, so that they do not contradict each other. More in our article on mga prenup sa Netherlands.
What if your residence permit depends on your former spouse?
Then the divorce affects your right to stay, and a new relationship does not automatically replace the old basis. You must report the change in your situation to the Immigration and Naturalisation Service (IND), which then reviews whether you still meet the conditions.
A new relationship can be a new basis for residence, but only through a fresh application in which the new partner acts as sponsor and meets the IND conditions, including an income requirement linked to the statutory minimum wage. Other routes, such as residence based on your own work, may also be available. Check the current conditions on ind.nl before taking any step.
What can you do if your former spouse harasses you about a new partner?
You can act under civil and criminal law. Persistent unwanted contact meant to intimidate can be stalking (belaging) under Article 285b of the Dutch Criminal Code (Sr), and publicly accusing someone of a specific fact to damage their reputation can be defamation (smaad) under Article 261 Sr.
Keep screenshots with date, time and URL. A lawyer can send a demand letter and, if needed, ask the court in summary proceedings (kort geding) to order removal of posts and a ban on contact. Some parents add a social-media clause to the parenting plan to prevent this.
What should you check if you receive spousal maintenance?
- Whether you live together with a new partner in fact, regardless of registered addresses.
- Whether your finances are mixed: joint account, shared rent or bills.
- When your maintenance term ends under Article 1:157 BW and whether moving in earlier would cost you more than it gains.
- Whether your parenting plan needs changing if you move or the children’s routine changes.
- Whether your residence permit depends on your former spouse.
What should you check if you pay spousal maintenance?
- Whether you have concrete evidence of cohabitation, not only of a relationship.
- Whether any observation or investigation stays within privacy law.
- From which date the cohabitation started, as maintenance ends from that date.
- Whether your own new household changes your capacity to pay child maintenance (Article 1:401 BW).
- Whether you are still married because the divorce has not yet been registered (Article 1:163 BW).
What can we do for you with a new relationship after divorce?
Ang aming abogado ng pamilya advise both former spouses; see also our abogado ng diborsyo pahina.
- We assess whether a new relationship meets the “as if married” test of Article 1:160 BW.
- We draft or review the request to end or change maintenance, or the defence against it.
- We review and amend your parenting plan when a new partner or a move changes the children’s situation.
- We review a cohabitation or prenuptial agreement drafted by your notary before you sign.
- We send a demand letter or start summary proceedings against online harassment.
Buod
- Dating after a divorce has no legal consequences for the divorce itself; you remain married until the decision is registered (Article 1:163 BW).
- Living together as if married ends spousal maintenance permanently (Article 1:160 BW); the paying ex-spouse must prove it.
- A new partner has no parental authority; joint authority under Article 1:253t BW is possible only in narrow cases.
- A cohabitation agreement or prenuptial agreement protects both partners and children from the first marriage.
- If your residence permit depends on your former spouse, contact the IND and check your options first.
Mga madalas itanong
How soon can I introduce a new partner to my children?
The law sets no waiting period. If the other parent objects, the court decides under Article 1:253a BW based on the best interests of the child, looking at stability, the child’s age and the level of conflict between the parents.
Can my partner stay over without losing my spousal maintenance?
Occasional stays do not amount to cohabiting as if married. The risk grows when you effectively share one household and one budget; Article 1:160 BW then ends the maintenance permanently.
Does my new partner’s income count for child maintenance?
No, only the legal parents owe child maintenance. Sharing costs with a new partner can change your own capacity to pay, which can be a reason to ask for a change under Article 1:401 BW.
Can I remarry before the divorce is registered?
No. You remain married until the divorce decision is entered in the register of civil status (Article 1:163 BW). That entry must be requested within six months after the decision becomes final.
